~Our Adoption Story~

When I was a little girl. My dream was to get married in the temple and have a family. Little did I know that it would be the biggest trial in my life so far. Infertility is a hard thing to go through especially when you want something so bad that it hurts. I remember in my times of trying how I felt sorry for myself, and I hated the ones around me that were pregnant, I couldn't go to any baby showers and you just want to die... I had all those feelings and I did not hide them either, (I thought I was doing a good job but the ones around me knew). Anyway we tried for 7 years with no luck and found out that I had endometerios. We decided that we would go to a specialist to see if they could tell us some options.. I already knew what he was going to say. So Matt and I took the news home and I bawled all the way home because the only option for us was IVF and it cost around $10,000.00 there was no way we had that much money. So we told all our family about the news and Matt's grandma decided she would loan us the money and we would pay her back. I was so thankful for her lending it to us to try and see if we could start our family.. We started all the drug treatments(shots), multiple ultrasounds, blood draws, and 2 hours drives to Salt Lake. We had our transfer and had to wait 2 weeks to find out if we were pregnant(I cheated though I took 3 tests and they all came back positive.) IT wasn't a guarantee that I was pregnant because I took a shot that was called HCG it is like the pregnancy hormone so it could cause the test to be positive. Anyway we got there and had the blood drawn and had to wait for an hour to get the results. They called us and wanted us to come back so we did and they indeed tell us we were pregnant. I started to bawl and then Matt. We were so excited.. It was a scary time for me I started to bleed at 10 weeks and I thought for sure that I was losing the baby so we went to the ER and the baby looked great nothing was wrong with it. I continued to bleed until my 5th month and then it was pretty easy going from there.. We had a beautiful baby boy on March 3, 2004. Then infertility got us down again. We tried IVF three other times in a 3 year period and I got pregnant twice but I lost them. My body was worn out, sore and swollen from all the shots in the hips that I just needed a break from all the stress and shots..
Matt and I talked along time ago before Colton was born that we needed to get our papers in and I just kinda shrugged it off I guess. It was now time, I felt it and so did Matt. I even questioned whether I could love another baby that was not my flesh and blood.(I look back now and say how could I even think that. I must have been stupid.) We got our paperwork from LDSFS in March of 07 and got them done as fast as possible because they were going to be starting the home study class and we didn't want to wait until fall to take it. We paid our money and did everything we had to. We got finalized in July 07. I'm not one for sitting around waiting for a birth mom to pick us so I started browsing on the Internet at all the adoptions sites that I could find that would let you put your application in for free, watching referrals and whatever else I thought would help find our baby faster. It did pay off for us. I had been watching handstohold they are a referral(meaning someone to help you find a birth mom and then they would get you in contact with the place that had the situation.)It was so weird to me that night that I got the email. Matt and I were in the computer room,"very unlikely to have us both in here at the same time." I went and checked my emails and there happened to be one in there from handstohold so I opened it up and read it to myself and then told Matt here's a situation. I read it to him and he said okay well contact her and find out more, so I emailed her back and told her we were interested and she emailed back and told me that she would have the place get in contact with me in the morning so I said okay. The next day they called and told me more about the birth mom and what expenses she had and that he wanted to have a phone conference with her so I said okay. We talked to her that night and we were both shy didn't know what to ask or say but we winged it. We had to have the money to them by Friday saying yes or no to the situation so we prayed about it and got the feeling we were suppose to go forward with it and we did. We talked to each other by IM for the first month and sometimes by phone. Then the next month we went to CA and visited her so she could meet us and we could meet her. It was so nice to finally meet her and see her face to face. We were a little shy at first but I think we got to know and feel comfortable with each other pretty fast. We took her out quite often for lunch and dinner. We even went to her mothers house and her mom had picture books out of the family. We got to take some of the pictures and copied off some that I wanted to have. I couldn't have asked for a better birth family. They were like my family that we lost contact with and finally found them. They opened up their home and their hearts for us and made us feel a part of their family. I love the time that we got to spend with her and her family. We got to meet the birth dad and his daughter. We spent a lot of time with the birth family and it was hard to say goodbye. Those moments are things that I carry with me from day to day and think about. We stayed in contact with each other doing less IM's and talking more on the phone. (I just loved hearing her voice.) When we were down in CA the first time we were suppose to be going to a ultrasound with her to find out the sex of the baby but for some reason it fell through so we didn't get to go, but a couple of weeks later she went and called me on the phone and told me it was a BOY.. I was so excited.. It really didn't matter what it was, we just wanted a healthy baby. Then a couple more weeks went by and I got a call one night about 3:28 am on a Sunday morning that her water broke. I guess I was kinda tired because I just wanted to talk and then duh it hit me, this is it. I told her goodbye and we packed our stuff, woke Colton up and was out the door in 30 Min's on the road to CA from ID. The bad thing was I was up until 1:00 that night so I only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. I wasn't tired though. I drove the whole way to CA about 13 hours on pure adrenaline I guess. We only stopped to go to the bathroom and fill up the car. We made it to Bakersfield, CA an hour after he was born. I walked into the birthing room and T(birth mom) thought something was wrong with me, that I wasn't happy, but that was far from the truth I was worried more for her then I was for myself. I knew it would be a hard day. She told me there he is go hold him and I did. I looked into his pretty little face and tears welled up in my eyes. Then I seen that the nurses let my husband Matt and Colton come back too. That was such a precious moment. Colton came right to me and seen his brother for the first time and touched him so soft and nice and wouldn't leave his side. I wanted to take him out of the blanket and have a good look at him he was so pink and so cute, perfect in every way. When he was born he came to fast so he has some bruising on his face around his mouth and nose but it went away 1 week later. He was gorgeous.. Matt came and took a look at his son and we both looked at each other and the tears came to our eyes. We both love T so much. After Matt and Colton left I asked T if she had held him yet and she told me no, so I said well your going to hold him. That's when I picked my camera up and took some pictures of her. It was such a precious moment for me to be able to witness that and her love for her son. We had to spend the night at the hospital. The hospital staff was so kind to me, they wanted me to have my own room to get to bond with our son. I didn't feel right about that so I told them that I wanted to spend the time with T and our son. I spent the night in T's room with her, she slept most of the time anyway she was so tired. We talked a lot until her sleeping pill kicked in and she was off in lue lue land. I couldn't sleep because she was snoring so loud and finally exhaustion just took ahold of me and I was a goner too. The next day was a really hard one for me. We had some unexpected things going on(I'm not going to get into them since I don't want to hurt my birth mom T's feelings). We couldn't leave the hospital for a little while so Matt and I went to lunch with T's mom and we had a very good talk. We were finally able to leave the hospital and we said our goodbyes at the hospital but I knew we would see other again because we had to stay in CA until we went to court which was on a Friday, so the birth parents could sign their rights away. It was such an emotional day at the courthouse. Matt stayed outside with Colton and I went to court with Braxton and the birth parents. I prayed and cried that it would work itself out and that they would be able to sign the papers. Our birth mom T didn't have a drivers license so they weren't sure that the judge would let her sign papers without it so I sat there crying because I just wanted this day to be over. The bailiff asked our birth mom if she had ever been arrested and in deed she had so he was able to use her arrest record to identify her so we could proceed with the signing of the papers. T would reassure me and tell me if this is meant to happen it will and everything will be okay. She calmed my fears for me while I was freaking out. I was so happy that the bailiff stuck his hand out and helped us. After it was over and he was leading us out of the courtroom I told him thanks and an over whelming sense to give him a hug came over me. (I don't think that is something you do in CA is give someone a hug that had a gun, I don't think he knew what to think of do..) After court that day was the day we had to say goodbye it was a very emotional and hard time for me. I was so connected to T and I felt her pain and her love for her son. It was such a emotional day we had to say goodbye to the birth parents and their families.. It was so hard but easy in a way. T's mom told me that we are good parents and that she was glad that we would be taking Braxton and that she loved us and to take good care of her grandson. I didn't get to say goodbye to T or T's daughter because they were in another room and wouldn't come out but they knew we were leaving. I felt sad that they didn't want to say goodbye to me but mostly they didn't get to say goodbye to Braxton. It was such a emotional but good experience. The love that I have for Braxton is just amazing. It doesn't matter that he wasn't flesh and blood he was meant to come to our family. T would always say to me if it is meant to be it will be.. She helped calm my fears when no one else could. She was strong for me I wished that I could have been stronger for her too. Adoption is such an amazing process and the feelings and emotions that come along with it. It is something that has changed our life forever. It has blessed my life with our son Braxton and I'm so glad that he is part of our family, not only did we get a son but we got another extended family on top of that. I want T to know how much I love her and miss you. I look forward to the day that we will be able to see each other again and for you to meet Braxton face to face again. Thank you so much for your love for your son.. I love you now and forever..